How do we deal with our social evil called " Dowry?

No more laws will change the psyche of our greedy people who shamelessly make demands from cash to gold, jewellery, fully furnished house, scooter, car, and full expense of the marriage as a "Trade-off against their so called educated or foreign returned Son to tie the knot with the girl.

This is many times justified as a "Traditional Exchange" by the boy´s family and I have seen even the shameless boys who hardly are taught any values of life by parents, shamelessly will tell you... It is not my idea, my elders, parents believe in these customary Trade-offs, exchanges and I have no say in it?

I have also seen boys who choose their life partner on their own, have an affair, when the time comes to give final touches to the Big event of their lives to tie-up the knots, say the same with no shame about their family demands and smartly detach themselves from the adult´s Business transactions. I know some boys working abroad, living in the modern western world have not changed even after their global exposure.

To change this, first I recommend the parents of the girls should firmly stand on their ground if any Dowry demands are made, even if they can meet the demand. Secondly, today´s modern girls, should themselves reject boldly such illegal demands on principles, saying I am not here in the market as a commodity. And I have no respect for such family or boys.

This is the right time, alliance based on the greed if rejected at once, can prevent further insults, humiliation and excesses on the girls life. And no harm will be done to her personal life. Because a marriage is no trading of goods and services at profits. It is a holy alliance of two people for all the happiness in the world for both partners. The minute it is given a monetary get-up, it is a commercial trade-off and it is not based on human values at all.

So the government to fight such social evils, must carry out extensive campaigning against any financial, or goods demands, when it comes to marriages. The public awareness campaign to address this issue on Dowry demands should carry messages to educate people who fall prey to illegal demands.
The message in social campaigning should be... Do Not Sell Your Daughter" And Never Ever try to Purchase Your Son-In-Law" Your daughter will never be happy in a family who has put up Son for SALE at a price. And remember, it is a crime too if reported.

Now another side to this social evil is ...
many times I have observed, parents and the girl herself do not complain about her harassment by in-laws or her husband due to Dowry issues. Here our upbringing by the parents and adults and teachers is responsible, because every time you try to say something, you are asked to shut-up or told, you are still not grown up to talk about this or that? This upbringing has seen devastating results in adult our life.

This upbringing and the traditional thinking of our adults who keep lecturing the girls all the time that, once you are married, you have to adjust with your Husband and his family. I have seen parents, when the girl is trying to say something to parents about the ill treatment she is given by her husband or in-laws, parents do not see, there is something wrong, but advise the daughter to make adjustments, and all will be fine? She is not heard. Her pain does not receive a response that deserves proper attention.

This approach by our traditional minds and society who talks loosely not about the boys but about the girls that, Ohh, she has a problem, she can not get along with people? People talk loosely about girls with such a insensitivity that many times it results into a waiting disaster.

This situation, many times I have noticed, forces the poor girl to keep her mouth shut and undergo all the mental torture, insults and humiliation heaped on her. Those girls who are mentally strong, and can deal with such onslaughts in life, do make bold decisions and do not let the partner or his family push her to the wall. But ultimately with her strong stand, situation worsens and she has to face violant reactions or call it a quits. Then her actual ordeal in married life starts.

I am trying to be focused only on the subject which is on Dowry. But I also know of the girls who are making life miserable of the boy unfairly and by taking the disadvantage of the Strict laws in her favor, try to make financial deals as the best opportunity to make the best out of a simple, humble, good boys. But this is a different area and it can be discussed separately.

But since we are on the subject of Dowry issue, more than laws, fast implementation of laws in fast track courts is the need of the hour.

In our country, even if two adults decide to separate for whatever reasons, right or wrong, to get divorce, it becomes a mental torture for the girl and her parents in cases of Dowry harassment. Two Years, three years, sometimes even more to get divorce?

This itself is a mental agony for the girl and her old parents who are already going through hell. The girl´s future is all under uncertainty and dark. Not knowing which way life is taking her. Old parents are in emotional agony for their loved one whose married life is devastated.

And the family courts take years and years to give divorce? I do not understand who are they punishing? The girl and her old parents or the accused Husband and his family who is responsible to ruin her married life?
First thing first:

1. We should have independent Agencies of old women and men retired from judiciary, police, school teachers, principals, Lawyers and other professionals who the aggrieved married women can approach in confidence to report the ill treatment on account of Dowry, or any other serious crimes allegedly committed by her husband and his family members.

There are strict laws in US where even a child calls on the phone, the police or the Human Rights Activists, for being harassed, tortured, and next minute, he receives the help. Police or the Activists from the area reach the house to take the parents to task. Parents are taken into custody for interrogation, and it is considered a very serious offense, serious crime, and if necessary, appropriate legal action is taken against the parents or warned with a stern warning, next time, if it happens, you will be in the jail.

And it is not a farce by the police, you can not purchase police or Activists there.

The child knows his/ her rights and how to deal with the crime when the time comes.

But just think, why people are not scared of law in our country?

There is no fear of law nor the punishment in India. A person is killed in India in-front of the police station. And gets away with the murder. Where is the fear in people of the laws?

A phone call from the minister, from top officials can change the FIR story at police station? You pay money to police and false FIR is registered against a girl by her husband or in-laws that says... she is abusive, beats her mother-in-law ?

And the worst FIRs recorded against a wife by her nasty husband and his family on the cunning advice of the equally rogue lawyer, when they are very influential and politically connected.... the FIR says,

She is a loose character, she has an affair in the office and she is abusive and even beaten her old mother-in-law?

Then the wife and her parents are threatened by police with the copy of the FIR. The old parents, and their daughter are accused now and taken to police custody for interrogation.

This very mental torture pains the girl who can not see her parents being punished unnecessarily when no fault of theirs and prefers many times to keep quiet.

For any girl to see old mother and father taken into police custody is a mental torture in addition to her own marriage issues.

Middle class, and the poor class are victims of our corrupt system. In Dowry case, the poor wife who is harassed by her husband or in-laws is trapped, her parents are helpless trying their best to patch-up, but nothing works with the people who are harassing the poor girl for money, more money and more money.

So, what do we need to deal with such social evils in our society ?

1- Separate police agency where there are only women working. This agency is not attached to police stations but working independently where our Dowry victims can approach fearlessly, secretly and report the crimes.

2- If the woman wants to separate because she has tried her best for long to make all adjustment but nothing seems to have worked for her, this special women agency should have women social activists, lawyers to assist her to take firm and decisive action on the reporting of the crime.

3- This special Cell must be attached to Special Magistrate court which only deals with the crimes related to Dowry related and Domestic violence.

These both crimes at homes in the families which our tolerant women keep covering with a degree of social fear must be addressed head on in fast track courts because many married women who remain quiet about their mental, physical, emotional and even psychological harassment, become victims of depression and prefer to end their lives in all frustrations.

They think, they are not going to get help from anyone and in sheer frustrations, it all results into suicides by them which we read in the news papers every day.

And in worst cases... if in-laws are mean, cruel, they don't even hesitate to kill the innocent girl with some well designed plot to make it look natural.

That is why when a girl is facing Dowry harassment by her own life partner and his family, she is not a living person but a dead person and her spirit of living in the wonderful world of marriage gets virtually killed.

And that is why this Dowry crime must be treated like a murder of a womam, her soul and spirit to live life.

Isn't this a fact that we know of this corrupt society we live in?

That is why we need to form a effective system which can deal with Dowry crimes firmly and quickly to give justice to our girls to settle in life sooner with all the happiness in the world once again.

1- I strongly recommend, strict implementation of Special Cells to deal with Dowry and domestic crimes,

2- These special cells should work closely with the family courts where a woman can directly present her case to the judge.

3- No lawyer should be allowed in these cases because the a woman in distress can best present the case with the help of advisory professionals from law in the special Cell.

4-No postponement of dates be allowed if the husband does not appear on the given dates in the court.

5- If he does, that should be strictly held against him as a violation of Human Rights abuse..

6- And finally, In three months time, the agony and the pain of all involved, especially the woman and her old parents must be over with justice delivered either ways.

The criminals must receive maximum, harshest punishment ever so that others in the society will not dare abuse women and ill treat them. May be a public naming and shaming and life imprisonment.

Today, there is a irrational system in place if a divorce is asked. There is some " Cooling period, some months. And some compulsory period when both the parties are advised and marriage counseling is given to both, Husband and wife.

But if we observe, when there is no love left between two souls, there is a bitterness between two adults, no respect left and no willingness to make adjustments, no willingness to compromise needed in married life, and worse of all, a serious crime is committed of Human Rights Abuse, what is a big idea of "Cooling period"?

In most cases it has never worked and if it works, it only works for a short time. Again, woman is treated with more aggression and abuse and things go worst for the lady to handle.

Then she has to again go through the same mental torture, police, court, divorce. And then it becomes a mental agony to everyday life for the woman and her family and she has children, it is the worst torture.

Where is the wisdom in all this system where a woman is forced to suffer mentally, physically, emotionally? For months and years?

She can not live her own life just because her abusive husband and his family want to ruin her life? When can she start re-living her life again?

When an adult decides to separate,I thought, it is considered constitutional right, a conscience choice of a grown-up person, for good or bad, and why cant law deal with it accordingly with the same perspective?

Who really are the outsiders to give advise to stay together when two or one of the two adults decide to serrate ? Please try and understand the feelings of the individuals who suffer on account of abuse. Nobody has the right to give any advise to a matured grown-up adult who is sane, mentally stable and has average intelligence.

Let us stop meddling with other´s lives and mind our own business. more