Plight of senior citizens

Shadows of the evening
Mr. Govindrao Deshpande has had a very normal , mostly uneventful middle class life so far . He also fulfilled his responsibilities as a son, father, husband to the best of his abilities – financial and personal. After putting in lot of hard work and finishing his post graduation in Political Science , he started his career as lecturer in a local college . In those days college teacher’s salaries were limited and not as comfortable as those are today . He went through the usual mile stones of a middle class working man’s life- marriage ( to a girl who was also lecturer in the same college), periodic salary increments, promotions, buying a small apartment, looking after old ailing parents ( and in-laws) , two children ( a boy and a girl) , their education/ studies/ career and related anxieties and finally getting them settled in their respective lives meaning finding suitable life partners , marriages. Whoosh! That was quite a lot and kept him busy throughout. Of course Mrs. Deshpande was all along by his side and both of them handled each of the above items with single minded dedication .
Results have been very satisfactory . Both son and daughter did well in their studies and ended up getting good jobs and equally qualified life partners. Son ( with his wife ) is settling in the US with a good dollar salary and daughter with her husband is settled in the UK .
Govindrao and wife – only two of them now reside in their apartment with fond memories of the events of the past 35 years of life .
However, slowly but surely the lengthening shadows of the evening of life are catching up. Mrs. Deshpande’s arthritis is now slowly becoming a serious predicament while Govindrao’s blood pressure and blood sugar are marching towards north.
They are desperately trying to keep on track by regular morning walks and yoga alongwith medications prescribed by the family doctor , so that life does’nt take a wrong turn into bylane of hospitals, tests , medical procedures , more tests , more hospitals with a dead end ( pun unintended). From time to time they have cheerful moments when they get to talk to their children which , thanks to the technology quite often and almost free of cost.
But from time to time the prospects of one or both of them becoming bed ridden or in the worst case scenario one of them disappearing from the scene leaving the other one lonely and lost, do haunt them. They are reasonable enough not to expect the children to leave their careers and lives and come to look after them. That makes the prospects of remaining life more grim.
This is not an isolated story . Lacs of elderly people in the evening of their lives face similar situations with minor variations depending on how lucky or unlucky they are.
The stories may vary in detail but broadly those are similar across all economic classes – rich, middle class or the poor. Of course like everything else , poverty makes the plight of the elderly that much harder and less bearable.
In the financially affluent section of the society , there is at least assurance of physical comforts but money does not and can not ensure a life of dignity and respect.
With rapid disintegration of joint family system , availability of variety of career opportunities across the globe to the young generation, the collapse of traditional value system due to growing exposure to different cultures and overall growing importance of material possessions for the younger generation, the quality of life for the elderly people post retirement is becoming a big question mark.
The elderly in this country like in many other countries face multiple problems as a result of the following
- Deterioration in physical fitness due to advancing age , increasing dependence on others
- Increasing difficulties in carrying out day to day normal functions due to physical conditions such as loss of hearing , loss of memory , reducing vitality and mobility.
- Slowing down of certain mental / physical functions causing frustration to both – self and the opposite person
- Diminishing importance / voice in the family matters and feeling of being ignored / sidelined
- Loss or decline in financial independence and consequent feeling of shame and decline in self esteem / pride.
- Being ridiculed or treated with disrespect in public places
- Not liking what you see in the mirror ( lost or grey hair, wrinkles , drooping eyes , protruding stomach , drooping shoulders etc.) and consequent sadness.
- Feeling of emptiness as nowhere to go and not enough activity to remain occupied.
Some of these old age outcomes are self inflicted while some are inevitable. The self inflicted ones are caused by careless, undisciplined life style full of indiscretions , ignoring long term important things ( like health, relationships, peace of mind ) for chasing some short term material goals ( money, fame , addictions etc.). Inevitable ones are accidents, set backs in life , natural wear and tear of the body due to old age.
Whatever be the causes the problems are for real and have to be faced and dealt with. One can not run away from these.
However a few tips which can go a long way in improving the situation.
First thing, accept the situation- limitations put by old age, reduced mental and physical abilities and also the changes in your life and in the environments around you and your reduced role in the goings on around you in the family and social circle.
Secondly remember you have now limited time on this planet , so make the best use of it. Embrace positivity , remove all the negative thoughts , prejudices, grudges by adopting the motto “ forgive and forget”.
This is time , irrespective of how you have led your life or who you have been , to be an humble, honest , transparent human being trying to help others around you. You can start by mending fences- saying sorry to those you might have hurt in the past , offering help to those who need it using your experience , knowledge , skills.
It is also the time to take a back seat ( remember you have played your game and now it is time for the younger generation to take charge ) and be available as a guide / advisor when called upon to do so. But don’t do back seat driving . By doing so you only disturb the main driver , confuse him and increase the possibility of the car going off the road.
You must learn to stop whining and grumbling about everything about and around you – your health, the treatment you are getting in the family , corruption and overall the changing world and how it was so much better in your times etc. Because this does not help anybody or anything . You are only making yourself more miserable , unpleasant and spreading negativity around you. Slowly but surely people including your loved once will start avoiding you making you more lonely. Nobody wants to be next to a cry baby.
Nobody including your dear ones will be interested in knowing how your pain in the knee is now travelling to your ankle or number of times you had to go to the loo in the day and how the consistency of your stools is changing. Because they do not have solutions for your problems and they have on their mind much more important matters in their lives to deal with. You only end up being less desirable to have around.
Instead SMILE more . Remember the age old saying that “ when you laugh the world will laugh with you but when you cry you cry alone”. Be pleasant , eager to help but non interfering .Keep the details of your aches and pains for the doctor.
Irrespective of what is your health condition, you can always improve upon it by whatever possible exercise , appropriate diet and above all a positive mind set. Work towards this. You can make your life less difficult and better and also be less of a burden to others around you.
Remain active around the house ( without being a nuisance ) helping in chores around the house. There is a lot you will find that you can do.
If it is physically possible, take up a new hobby - reading, writing , painting, music, learning a language - whatever. It is never too late. It will bring lot of joy and pleasant moments in your life
Or join in some community development project or a campaign ( like Swatchch Bharat) or a group of like minded people for a constructive social/ cultural activities.
While it mainly depends upon the seniors how they wish to shape their post retirement lives , there is a lot the younger generation can do to make the evening of the life of their elders more pleasant , dignified , less stressful . they certainly owe it to the seniors.
The young ones should not forget the pains , troubles and difficulties faced by the elderly through out their active lives to give them the best possible life . Before making a dirty face while giving a bed pan to the parents the children should not forget that when they were small the same parents cleaned their bottoms with a smiling face and without complaining.
The young ones should not forget the financial support given by the parents for their education and all other requirements even when it might have been difficult for them to do so. And hence should not grudge when they are required to help the parents financially.
Above all what the parents need in the evening of their lives is certain minimum respect , caring and a sense of being involved in the family. Is it too much to ask for in return for all the love and affection given by them? I don’t think so.
It is upto the young ones to not let the shadows engulf their elderly and make their last leg of the journey as pleasant and enjoyable as possible so that they take with them pleasant memories and you are left behind with equally pleasant memories of them.
In all this I feel “ Care homes for the senior citizens” have a very significant role to play . In fact such homes efficiently run keeping in mind the needs of the elderly , are the need of the hour.
In cases like that of Mr. Govindrao Deshpande , it can bring in lot of relief and comfort and make their remaining years pleasant .
Deepak Kulkarni
Email- deepakdpm@gmail.com
Mobile- 9960429806 more